(no subject)
May. 29th, 2002 12:52 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
changelingYou know what? I was in a goodish mood when I got home. Sure, I'm sick as all buggery, and having to perform on top of that has completely drained my energy, but I'd spent the ride home talking to dad, and that'd perked me up a bit.
I decided to check my LJ, because that's what I do to wind down at the end of a day.
And you know what? So not fucking relaxing.
(1) This one's primarily for Ray.
I don't care if I can be perceived as a fangirl. I don't get as excited about Buffy as Nat and company do, but I enjoy it. The thing I am most fangirly about is Boy Meets Boy. This is actually not strictly true; Nat and I are fangirly about the whole Sandraverse. BMB is enjoyable, but even moreso because of what we know about Narcolepsy, This is Home and Utopia. They add a depth to BMB's light humour.
There are several things that draw me in. Part of it is Sandra herself, who is a wonderful person, as I'm sure everyone who knows her/reads her journal will vouchsafe. Part of it are the characters, who are so interesting and complicated that as a writer I'm jealous. Part of it are what little I know of the actual story arc itself, which is fascinating and dark and everything I'd love to write myself. Much love to Sandra.
BMB is part of my daily wind down routine. It's mostly lighthearted, and it's clever. It is also pretty quick to simply check it once a day, and considering I don't even seem to do much reading at the moment (which is my other great love), it's my vice that I can enjoy without any guilt whatsoever.
So quite frankly, I don't feel like I have anything to apologise for because I'm a fan of Sandra. She's incredibly talented and deserves it. If you get pissed off with this, fine. Bitch in your diary. I've removed it from my friends list now, so you can say what you want without offending/upsetting me. I'd be much obliged if you don't leave me any more angry/abusive/attacking comments in my diary. I thought that you had changed from year 12, that you had matured. Obviously I had unfairly high expectations of you. Yes, you have changed and matured since then, but if someone had asked me today if I had thought that you would do something like this, I would have told them emphatically no. Just shows how little you know about people sometimes.
If you don't want to be friends, fine. If the only way we remain friends is for you to vent in your diary about how much my fangirlyness pisses you off, fine. Just don't put your crap on me. Quite frankly I'm trying to deal with enough of my own shit at the moment to have value judgements passed on me because I hold Sandra and her work in high esteem. I'm not actually alone in this in coffee group, which is, among other things, a collection of friends with shared interests. If you have no desire to find out about BMB, that's fine.
You know what? I actually started making those icons because I wanted a change. I'd had Delirium and Death icons for a long time, and considering I was both procrastinating and relaxing, I made some of my own. One of the reasons I made so many was because it was fun. I enjoy playing around with images. I like being able to change the settings on my computer at will, and do so. I like playing with colour schemes and wallpaper, and the idea of being able to change icons to match my wallpaper is appealing. I also wanted to be able to send them to Nat for her use. So fangirlyness was not the whole reason. Maybe if you don't want to read about me being silly, and essentially myself, you should remove me from your friends list. I think that would result in us being happier all around.
(2)
Kathleen is a bitch. I'm so going to fail Writing for Performance. And you know what? I'm strongly considering taking it up with the department if I do. If she fails me because I am unable to change work to fit her freaking schedule to perform, I'm going to make it her problem, not mine. Considering at no point did she ask us what days we were free, I think it's really unreasonable for her not to be flexible.
I'm going to put aside a photocopy of my original draft for my performance piece, and a photocopy of all the notes I took as a result. I'm going to put aside a copy of the criteria she gave us (if I can find it) and show how vague it is.
I'm sick of her shit and vagueness, and if she fails me, I'm going to fucking well get some justice here.
(3)
Julian's back in hospital. I hope he gets well soon. *squathe*
(4)
There is no possible freaking way I am going to get the Norse Pantheon notes for Thursday's class this week. I would love to do them, but at the moment both Relic and uni are taking precedence. The Graeco-Roman notes are done, and I will dig them up and put them in my bag to pass on to Nat tomorrow.
That is all.
Just let me crawl into bed now. I feel like I've been running from one crisis to another for so fucking long I can't remember when it started. There have been so many times recently when I feel like I'm going to snap and have a breakdown. So many moments when I've just wanted the whole world to go away. All I can do is pray for the strength to finish this term and pass it. Then I think I'm just going to give up and collapse.
Right now, I just feel completely...what? I'm swinging between just wishing that the world would fuck off and die and just collapsing into a small heap. I feel so tightly strung that I'm sure I should be vibrating.
Final note:
Nat, Liam, I love you. Julian, get well soon.
I decided to check my LJ, because that's what I do to wind down at the end of a day.
And you know what? So not fucking relaxing.
(1) This one's primarily for Ray.
I don't care if I can be perceived as a fangirl. I don't get as excited about Buffy as Nat and company do, but I enjoy it. The thing I am most fangirly about is Boy Meets Boy. This is actually not strictly true; Nat and I are fangirly about the whole Sandraverse. BMB is enjoyable, but even moreso because of what we know about Narcolepsy, This is Home and Utopia. They add a depth to BMB's light humour.
There are several things that draw me in. Part of it is Sandra herself, who is a wonderful person, as I'm sure everyone who knows her/reads her journal will vouchsafe. Part of it are the characters, who are so interesting and complicated that as a writer I'm jealous. Part of it are what little I know of the actual story arc itself, which is fascinating and dark and everything I'd love to write myself. Much love to Sandra.
BMB is part of my daily wind down routine. It's mostly lighthearted, and it's clever. It is also pretty quick to simply check it once a day, and considering I don't even seem to do much reading at the moment (which is my other great love), it's my vice that I can enjoy without any guilt whatsoever.
So quite frankly, I don't feel like I have anything to apologise for because I'm a fan of Sandra. She's incredibly talented and deserves it. If you get pissed off with this, fine. Bitch in your diary. I've removed it from my friends list now, so you can say what you want without offending/upsetting me. I'd be much obliged if you don't leave me any more angry/abusive/attacking comments in my diary. I thought that you had changed from year 12, that you had matured. Obviously I had unfairly high expectations of you. Yes, you have changed and matured since then, but if someone had asked me today if I had thought that you would do something like this, I would have told them emphatically no. Just shows how little you know about people sometimes.
If you don't want to be friends, fine. If the only way we remain friends is for you to vent in your diary about how much my fangirlyness pisses you off, fine. Just don't put your crap on me. Quite frankly I'm trying to deal with enough of my own shit at the moment to have value judgements passed on me because I hold Sandra and her work in high esteem. I'm not actually alone in this in coffee group, which is, among other things, a collection of friends with shared interests. If you have no desire to find out about BMB, that's fine.
You know what? I actually started making those icons because I wanted a change. I'd had Delirium and Death icons for a long time, and considering I was both procrastinating and relaxing, I made some of my own. One of the reasons I made so many was because it was fun. I enjoy playing around with images. I like being able to change the settings on my computer at will, and do so. I like playing with colour schemes and wallpaper, and the idea of being able to change icons to match my wallpaper is appealing. I also wanted to be able to send them to Nat for her use. So fangirlyness was not the whole reason. Maybe if you don't want to read about me being silly, and essentially myself, you should remove me from your friends list. I think that would result in us being happier all around.
(2)
Kathleen is a bitch. I'm so going to fail Writing for Performance. And you know what? I'm strongly considering taking it up with the department if I do. If she fails me because I am unable to change work to fit her freaking schedule to perform, I'm going to make it her problem, not mine. Considering at no point did she ask us what days we were free, I think it's really unreasonable for her not to be flexible.
I'm going to put aside a photocopy of my original draft for my performance piece, and a photocopy of all the notes I took as a result. I'm going to put aside a copy of the criteria she gave us (if I can find it) and show how vague it is.
I'm sick of her shit and vagueness, and if she fails me, I'm going to fucking well get some justice here.
(3)
Julian's back in hospital. I hope he gets well soon. *squathe*
(4)
There is no possible freaking way I am going to get the Norse Pantheon notes for Thursday's class this week. I would love to do them, but at the moment both Relic and uni are taking precedence. The Graeco-Roman notes are done, and I will dig them up and put them in my bag to pass on to Nat tomorrow.
That is all.
Just let me crawl into bed now. I feel like I've been running from one crisis to another for so fucking long I can't remember when it started. There have been so many times recently when I feel like I'm going to snap and have a breakdown. So many moments when I've just wanted the whole world to go away. All I can do is pray for the strength to finish this term and pass it. Then I think I'm just going to give up and collapse.
Right now, I just feel completely...what? I'm swinging between just wishing that the world would fuck off and die and just collapsing into a small heap. I feel so tightly strung that I'm sure I should be vibrating.
Final note:
Nat, Liam, I love you. Julian, get well soon.
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no subject
Date: 2002-05-28 03:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-05-28 11:34 pm (UTC)Firstly, I'm just letting you know where I am in regards to getting the notes done. I was under the belief that the Graeco-Roman notes were being presented first, and so Nat and I made sure those were done. I will endeavour to get the Norse notes done ASAP; ideally by next week. This may not eventuate, as I have major assignments in all three classes due next week, however, Sara informs me that I will have three weeks to have these notes completed. This should be ample time, and I will endeavour to hand them to you early.
Re:
Date: 2002-05-29 03:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-05-29 09:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-05-28 08:17 pm (UTC)Well, that, plus I have a gory story to tell and a piece of paper which says I can't work until mid-June, so I'm pretty stoked. &8-)
no subject
Date: 2002-05-28 11:08 pm (UTC)It's an invented word, so I wouldn't have expected you to understand what it means.
If you can turn up to the tute, it'd be brill. I can only be there for the first 45 mins or so myself, because of the play. See you soon, and get better.
no subject
Date: 2002-05-28 11:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-05-28 11:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-05-29 03:44 am (UTC)But when I get back, and I organise our bloody band, I'll be sure (cause you'll remind me) to give you a hug myself!
I hope everything works out...
no subject
Date: 2002-05-29 06:39 am (UTC)Re:
Date: 2002-05-29 04:15 pm (UTC)