(no subject)

[changeling]

It's finished.

I don't think I've been so miserable before in my life. I spent the last two hundred pages feeling physically ill.

I'd said yesterday that I didn't care if this character died, but when I got an approximate spoiler in one of John's posts, I hoped it wasn't true, that I'd misread it.

I felt nauseous. I didn't want to finish. I couldn't not finish in case I was wrong. Or in case the death wasn't as depressing as it felt at that stage in the text. (And yes it was better. Slightly. Those of you who've read it may have some idea of my mental anguish.)



All I can say is this review from Cassie Claire does something to bring a glimmer of brightness back, but not much.

In an unrelated note, she says this: "[...] I realized that in fact it was not just a dark book, but a bleak one.", which is exactly what I feel. As well as a few chords of humour, she says a lot in there which I agree with, and she says it lucidly.

I also partly agree with John, in the entry which spoiled me, that Umbridge is a far less interesting villain than Magneto. I think this added to the bleakness of the book. It doesn't feel like sloppy characterisation; you feel that Umbridge's petty nastiness is a far too accurate portrayal of human frailty. She's bitter and nasty, but not because she gets some sort of joy out of it, or even has a particularly good reason. My feelings about Percy's characterisation throughout also echo this.

Draco still hasn't got himself a personality. I wish JK would rent him one. I don't care if he gets redeemed or not (although that would be nice), but I'd like him to at the very least get some complexity. Let us see him interact with his father again; let us see him rebel pointlessly and be killed five pages into the next book. Just don't make him boring. We beg you.


Also? It's not that I don't like darkness, as Cassie said. I love it. But this bleakness? This is exactly how I feel when I get depressed. That nothing is worthwhile; that every effort is fruitless. It's not that it wasn't a "good" book, because it was. I just found it very difficult to enjoy. It was like reading Wuthering Heights (pre-Happy Ending, when everyone is committing suicide and being cruel to puppies and Angsting), but a billion times worse, because I cared about the characters.


I'm sick of everyone hating the HP fandom, as well. I understand it's frustrating when you don't like something and everyone's going on about it. It's irritating. This is not to call you to task, but just to explain my feelings.

I'm always too fucking sensitive. There's a damn good reason why I avoid wearing my heart on my sleeve. Why I practise shutting away my feelings in a small box deep inside where no one can reach. It's pointless letting people try to comfort you when it doesn't work. All that works is going off by myself and letting it all out. Crying. Whatever.

I'm sick of being the subject of everyone's hatred because I enjoy reading these books (which, after OOTP, I doubt anyone would classify as children's literature any more than someone would classify Lord of the Flies as children's literature - and their impression of human nature seems to be about the same). I know you hate them, and I'm sorry. I really enjoy the fandom, much more than the books... which, let's fact it, I probably would have lost interest in ages ago if it weren't for the fanfic writers who make me think, and give me new views of the characters. Who entertain me. Who are engaging and witty people who frequently share similar views to mine.

I'm sick of feeling vaguely guilty any time I use one of my HP-themed icons to reply to someone I know actively dislikes HP. I'm sick of feeling bad every time I post or talk about this fandom that entertains me.

Before you start your indignant comments, or remove me from your friends list, you can rest assured that it's unlikely I'll write much more about Harry Potter in this journal, at least for the near future. Yes, I've written a fair bit about it over this weekend, but this is because the new book came out. This was a pretty major event.

I just don't think I can cope anymore. I love the fandom denizens, but hate the fandom. I don't want to read any more about Harry Potter and his universe for at least the forseeable future. This book has taken all the joy I had.

So rejoice, those of you who are sick about reading it on my journal. Now I just have to worry about creating some new icons.

Fuck it.


This post may seem fragmented, but that's because it's been done in several attempts.

Comments

[ishara.livejournal.com]

I thought the only people who actively disliked HP were bible bashing fundies?

[delirieuse.livejournal.com]

Nope. There's people who don't enjoy it, just as I don't like Britney Spears.

[ishara.livejournal.com]

I can understand people (other than bible bashing fundies) that simply dont appreciate HP, but i've never come across anyone (other than bible bashing fundies) who disliked it to the point where they made snide remarks about it.. it's a book, if you're not interested, you dont read it... Britney spears gets blared at you in shopping centres and stuff all the time... which is why i can understand complaining about her (plus, i cant stand her myself, either)
*baffled look*

[delirieuse.livejournal.com]

For these people, they have far too many Potter fanatics on their friends list, and they're sick of it.

[jessindistress.livejournal.com]

People are hating the HP fandom? *gasp*
Fuck 'em. Fuck em fuck em fuck em.
I for one will look forward to reading your thoughts and theories and wibbing and happiness on HP in here- so if others don't like it, they can get fucked. :p Hell, I'm not a hugely obsessive Buffy fan, but if I can deal with the Biffiness in my friends and in my Friends page, then fuckit, your friends should bloody well be able to deal with your HPness.

((hugs)) Have you seen marysiak's new icons!?

~Jess

[arborwin.livejournal.com]

Totally agree with you on the "bleak." A book has never made me feel this way -- losing friends in real life has, but not a book.

[rbj.livejournal.com]

hey, i'm not a big fan of the hp-fanfic stuff, but i can say this with all hopes of no recriminations (i kinda hope that sentence made sense): fuck me. and fuck the rest of them. write whatever the fuck you want to write. it's your journal. just stay within the bounds of the user agreement. i've decided i'll no longer complain about other ppl's postings. i expect the same back. eh.

as i say, i support you in what you want to do unless it's harmful.

but, by god it is fucking good to rant once in a while, isn't it? once in a while, once in a day... what's the diff?

[delirieuse.livejournal.com]

*snuggles* You are suddenly my favourite person.

[delirieuse.livejournal.com]

I've never cried so much or so hard over a book or a film before. I read the last hundred pages or so, peering through whitish stains on my glasses because I didn't want to get up from my bed to get the glasses cleaner. I later discovered that these whitish spots were salt. So much salt that it had crusted on the surface of my glasses.

[delirieuse.livejournal.com]

*curls up in your lap*

You're so kind. I was vaguely pondering fragmenting again, and creating a HP-only journal. Even with the amount of HP I post in here, it's only a fraction of what I'd post in a HP journal, I suspect.

I love her default one! Eep, but that scene is scary.

Re:

[jessindistress.livejournal.com]

(((hugs)))

I started a fanfiction LJ (saskia_rose, if you're interested) and I thought I'd be adding to it a lot more than I am- I find it hard to separate the "Jessie" stuff from the fandom stuff- it's all a part of my life, yk? *shrugs* Meh- we hear other people's non HP stuff, why not let them have it? *rolls eyes*

~Jess

[delirieuse.livejournal.com]

Added! ^_^

Think I'll make one anyway. *nods* Because I can be obnoxious with HP.

Re:

[rbj.livejournal.com]

~hugs~ i almost never use this, but LOL. i actually did laugh out loud at that.

[fineliner.livejournal.com]

"Help me I'm a poor oppressed minority because I love Harry Potter" ??

[delirieuse.livejournal.com]

*pokes tongue out*

[delirieuse.livejournal.com]

*grins* Glad to be of service.

[saxey.livejournal.com]

Well, as my last post indicated, I'm not liking a lot of the Potter. It's mainly that it's garnered so much attention.
I am liking the fandom, though. The slash and the fanfic are so much better than the original, and the creativity that has been lavished on it is stunning (especially the insanely cute manga-crew at fictionalley).
I think half of what makes Potter unsatifactory for me - the lack of description, the sketchy motivations - make it really good to work with. So, never a chore to get a Potter icon popping up on the postings :)

[delirieuse.livejournal.com]

I also avoided Potter for a long time because of the amount of attention it had attracted... and this was at least a year prior to the first movie! Like it now, though.

*nods* I don't mind the lack of description, as for some reason the bare-bones description seems to bypass my internal censors and just take up residence in my brain. Strange, that.

And anyway, after struggling through ten Anita Blake books where the writing is actually bad rather than lacklustre, I really don't mind it.

As I was discussing with friends tonight, the fact that the writing is sort of stripped back is much better than overwriting. I also thought about your complaint about the repeated adjectives, and thought, "Where have I heard this before?" Then it hit me. Classical studies. It's a typical trait of both The Iliad & The Odyssey: standard descriptions that are placecards for characters (for "pretty Ravenclaw seeker Cho Chang", read "grey-eyed Athena".)

I agree with the fandom (slash & otherwise) often being better than the original. I think the main reason I read HP is why I read Anita Blake: you can see suggestions of the story heading in a really exciting direction, and you can't wait for it to unfold. Anita Blake has sadly disappointed (post Obsidian Butterfly, anyway), where HP hasn't yet.