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Jun. 22nd, 2003 04:53 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
changelingIt's finished.
I don't think I've been so miserable before in my life. I spent the last two hundred pages feeling physically ill.
I'd said yesterday that I didn't care if this character died, but when I got an approximate spoiler in one of John's posts, I hoped it wasn't true, that I'd misread it.
I felt nauseous. I didn't want to finish. I couldn't not finish in case I was wrong. Or in case the death wasn't as depressing as it felt at that stage in the text. (And yes it was better. Slightly. Those of you who've read it may have some idea of my mental anguish.)
All I can say is this review from Cassie Claire does something to bring a glimmer of brightness back, but not much.
In an unrelated note, she says this: "[...] I realized that in fact it was not just a dark book, but a bleak one.", which is exactly what I feel. As well as a few chords of humour, she says a lot in there which I agree with, and she says it lucidly.
I also partly agree with John, in the entry which spoiled me, that Umbridge is a far less interesting villain than Magneto. I think this added to the bleakness of the book. It doesn't feel like sloppy characterisation; you feel that Umbridge's petty nastiness is a far too accurate portrayal of human frailty. She's bitter and nasty, but not because she gets some sort of joy out of it, or even has a particularly good reason. My feelings about Percy's characterisation throughout also echo this.
Draco still hasn't got himself a personality. I wish JK would rent him one. I don't care if he gets redeemed or not (although that would be nice), but I'd like him to at the very least get some complexity. Let us see him interact with his father again; let us see him rebel pointlessly and be killed five pages into the next book. Just don't make him boring. We beg you.
Also? It's not that I don't like darkness, as Cassie said. I love it. But this bleakness? This is exactly how I feel when I get depressed. That nothing is worthwhile; that every effort is fruitless. It's not that it wasn't a "good" book, because it was. I just found it very difficult to enjoy. It was like reading Wuthering Heights (pre-Happy Ending, when everyone is committing suicide and being cruel to puppies and Angsting), but a billion times worse, because I cared about the characters.
I'm sick of everyone hating the HP fandom, as well. I understand it's frustrating when you don't like something and everyone's going on about it. It's irritating. This is not to call you to task, but just to explain my feelings.
I'm always too fucking sensitive. There's a damn good reason why I avoid wearing my heart on my sleeve. Why I practise shutting away my feelings in a small box deep inside where no one can reach. It's pointless letting people try to comfort you when it doesn't work. All that works is going off by myself and letting it all out. Crying. Whatever.
I'm sick of being the subject of everyone's hatred because I enjoy reading these books (which, after OOTP, I doubt anyone would classify as children's literature any more than someone would classify Lord of the Flies as children's literature - and their impression of human nature seems to be about the same). I know you hate them, and I'm sorry. I really enjoy the fandom, much more than the books... which, let's fact it, I probably would have lost interest in ages ago if it weren't for the fanfic writers who make me think, and give me new views of the characters. Who entertain me. Who are engaging and witty people who frequently share similar views to mine.
I'm sick of feeling vaguely guilty any time I use one of my HP-themed icons to reply to someone I know actively dislikes HP. I'm sick of feeling bad every time I post or talk about this fandom that entertains me.
Before you start your indignant comments, or remove me from your friends list, you can rest assured that it's unlikely I'll write much more about Harry Potter in this journal, at least for the near future. Yes, I've written a fair bit about it over this weekend, but this is because the new book came out. This was a pretty major event.
I just don't think I can cope anymore. I love the fandom denizens, but hate the fandom. I don't want to read any more about Harry Potter and his universe for at least the forseeable future. This book has taken all the joy I had.
So rejoice, those of you who are sick about reading it on my journal. Now I just have to worry about creating some new icons.
Fuck it.
This post may seem fragmented, but that's because it's been done in several attempts.
I don't think I've been so miserable before in my life. I spent the last two hundred pages feeling physically ill.
I'd said yesterday that I didn't care if this character died, but when I got an approximate spoiler in one of John's posts, I hoped it wasn't true, that I'd misread it.
I felt nauseous. I didn't want to finish. I couldn't not finish in case I was wrong. Or in case the death wasn't as depressing as it felt at that stage in the text. (And yes it was better. Slightly. Those of you who've read it may have some idea of my mental anguish.)
All I can say is this review from Cassie Claire does something to bring a glimmer of brightness back, but not much.
In an unrelated note, she says this: "[...] I realized that in fact it was not just a dark book, but a bleak one.", which is exactly what I feel. As well as a few chords of humour, she says a lot in there which I agree with, and she says it lucidly.
I also partly agree with John, in the entry which spoiled me, that Umbridge is a far less interesting villain than Magneto. I think this added to the bleakness of the book. It doesn't feel like sloppy characterisation; you feel that Umbridge's petty nastiness is a far too accurate portrayal of human frailty. She's bitter and nasty, but not because she gets some sort of joy out of it, or even has a particularly good reason. My feelings about Percy's characterisation throughout also echo this.
Draco still hasn't got himself a personality. I wish JK would rent him one. I don't care if he gets redeemed or not (although that would be nice), but I'd like him to at the very least get some complexity. Let us see him interact with his father again; let us see him rebel pointlessly and be killed five pages into the next book. Just don't make him boring. We beg you.
Also? It's not that I don't like darkness, as Cassie said. I love it. But this bleakness? This is exactly how I feel when I get depressed. That nothing is worthwhile; that every effort is fruitless. It's not that it wasn't a "good" book, because it was. I just found it very difficult to enjoy. It was like reading Wuthering Heights (pre-Happy Ending, when everyone is committing suicide and being cruel to puppies and Angsting), but a billion times worse, because I cared about the characters.
I'm sick of everyone hating the HP fandom, as well. I understand it's frustrating when you don't like something and everyone's going on about it. It's irritating. This is not to call you to task, but just to explain my feelings.
I'm always too fucking sensitive. There's a damn good reason why I avoid wearing my heart on my sleeve. Why I practise shutting away my feelings in a small box deep inside where no one can reach. It's pointless letting people try to comfort you when it doesn't work. All that works is going off by myself and letting it all out. Crying. Whatever.
I'm sick of being the subject of everyone's hatred because I enjoy reading these books (which, after OOTP, I doubt anyone would classify as children's literature any more than someone would classify Lord of the Flies as children's literature - and their impression of human nature seems to be about the same). I know you hate them, and I'm sorry. I really enjoy the fandom, much more than the books... which, let's fact it, I probably would have lost interest in ages ago if it weren't for the fanfic writers who make me think, and give me new views of the characters. Who entertain me. Who are engaging and witty people who frequently share similar views to mine.
I'm sick of feeling vaguely guilty any time I use one of my HP-themed icons to reply to someone I know actively dislikes HP. I'm sick of feeling bad every time I post or talk about this fandom that entertains me.
Before you start your indignant comments, or remove me from your friends list, you can rest assured that it's unlikely I'll write much more about Harry Potter in this journal, at least for the near future. Yes, I've written a fair bit about it over this weekend, but this is because the new book came out. This was a pretty major event.
I just don't think I can cope anymore. I love the fandom denizens, but hate the fandom. I don't want to read any more about Harry Potter and his universe for at least the forseeable future. This book has taken all the joy I had.
So rejoice, those of you who are sick about reading it on my journal. Now I just have to worry about creating some new icons.
Fuck it.
This post may seem fragmented, but that's because it's been done in several attempts.
