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May. 16th, 2002 02:59 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
changelingI am proud to say that I was the first person to do the Utopia quiz for my Nat when she was coding. So neener...
Which Utopia Character are you? Find out! By Sandra and velvetglitter.
Gah. So...so, stressed. Have to miss another rehearsal tomorrow, because of effin' work. I really think that I'm going to quit. Maybe I'll take my resume up to Bunnings this weekend when I go looking for parts for the lightbox I want to make.
It really sucks, because this is the second rehearsal I've missed in a row, both of them being run throughs. It's stressful for me, it's stressful for Caroline (my director), it's stressful for the rest of the cast. I really, really hate letting people down.
Just when I thought I was starting to let my stress levels get back to a healthy/safe level, I start getting all manky again.
Part of it is the Soph email to Nat. Soph did the coffee group quiz, and was offended at her answers. Which was probably fair enough, since they weren't all that flattering. We jacked into the stereotype of Soph we were carrying around in our heads and exaggerated it.
I could say we were being mean and nasty and horrible, but that wasn't our aim. If we were really trying, it would have been nastier.
Soph basically accused Nat of being jealous of her, because she was portrayed as someone who is obsessed about her appearance and being worshipped. She said that she could tell a girl had written the test, as if we were back in high school and Nat was mounting a smear campaign so Soph would break up with her boyfriend or something. The sad truth about this is that stereotype is all we see of Soph these days. She has been repetitively two-faced with me (saying one thing to my face and then admitting to someone else [generally Daniel] behind my back). She invited Nat and Liam (as well as her other friends) to her house warming party, but not me. I went anyway, but that was because Liam and Nat said they wouldn't go without me. I love you guys! *hugs*
Soph told Nat that the reason she stopped coming to coffee group was not because she disliked us, but because she disliked the venue (U-Bar) as it's noisy, filled with cigarette smoke, etcetera. This is a fair enough complaint. The problem is that she never told us. If she, at any point at all had emailed/texted/ICQed ANYONE in coffee group who actually makes decisions (namely Liam, Nat or myself, but even Saxon, Tych or Sarah would have been fine) and let us know this, we could have done something about it. We could have arranged for some non-Tuesday outings that included Soph. But she never has. While I wouldn't say she was lying, I don't think that the venue was the sole reason why she stopped coming. Perhaps she doesn't loathe us with a fiery passion, but I'd say that she's certainly apathetic when it comes to her feelings towards the rest of coffee group.
Even when she came to coffee group, she gave the impression that she didn't really want to be there. She didn't take part in the conversation, and never stayed for very long. Perhaps Liam and I dominate the conversation, but Nat, Sarah, and Tych still manage to get a word in edgeways. Coffee group has been a fluid group open to accepting new people: Suzie and Bruce are new additions this year, and Ray was welcomed back with open arms.
Soph gives the impression that she dearly wants attention and worship. This may be an exaggeration, but that's the impression we get. Within coffee group (henceforth referred to as CG), you get attention by being witty, extraverted and outrageous enough to earn it. You get your attention by participating in the conversation. It's not a contest of any sort, especially a popularity contest.
CG also isn't only one way. You can't expect CG to spend all its time calling you up and arranging for things to happen around you without you giving something in return. I don't recall Soph ever callng up the rest of CG saying that she wanted to go out with us, or wanted us to come and see a show she was putting on, or whatever. If anything's organised with her in it, it's generally one of the "inner circle" of CG arranging it. The thing about groups is that it works both ways. We're far more amenable to spending time with you, or working around you if you show you're prepared to do the same. It's a two way relationship.
The last incident I remember before Soph and I seemed to undertake a vast Cold War was a walk that she'd organised, I think just before uni started again (possibly just after O Week, I'm not sure). We were walking from the end of the Alamein line into the city, which was a fun walk. We got lost a couple of times, but as far as I'm concerned, that adds to the fun. I managed to wreck my ankle, and was in great pain having to walk on it. Soph yelled at me for bitching. Tych and I left the party at Kooyong station. Dunni and Soph continued into the city.
You may think that I'm holding a grudge, but the only reason I really remember this particular incident is because I wrote it down in my diary at the time. It's just an example of the sort of behaviour I have interpreted from Soph as self-absorbed. My perception was that the walk was for fun, not a competition, and resting a short while because I had injured myself would have been feasible. Yes, I have a tendency to be slower that Soph and Dunni when it comes to walking. Yes, I had been mildly injured several times over the last few bushwalks Soph had organised. And you know, I regret that. But it's not my fault that I'm not as fast as them, the fact that I have shorter legs. It's not my fault that my knees and ankles are weak. I would have thought that being my friend, she would have been patient about that fact, but it seems clear in retrospect that she would have preferred if I hadn't come.
On my part, I just got sick of Soph's responses to situations like this. I don't recall criticising her, but I do recall that several times over that latter part of our friendship, she woud criticise me for complaining too much, or whatever. The Cold War developed on my half because I didn't want to put up with her shit any more. It also didn't help that I was working with Daniel at the time, who was participating in a war with Soph all his own. He and I had an extremely traumatic (on my half) falling out over some comments made to him that were purportedly not true, about the nature of our relationship while we were going out when I was in year 12. After we were talking again, he said that these comments had come from Soph.
I don't want to accuse, and I don't want to ostracise Soph from the group. These notes have been my opinion, and my perception of recent events. If Soph wanted to become an active member of CG again, I'm sure we'd welcome her with open arms. Perhaps if she let us see "the real Soph", we wouldn't have written such a superficial writeup of her in the CG quiz. Whatever happens, the ball is in her court now.
Which Utopia Character are you? Find out! By Sandra and velvetglitter.
Gah. So...so, stressed. Have to miss another rehearsal tomorrow, because of effin' work. I really think that I'm going to quit. Maybe I'll take my resume up to Bunnings this weekend when I go looking for parts for the lightbox I want to make.
It really sucks, because this is the second rehearsal I've missed in a row, both of them being run throughs. It's stressful for me, it's stressful for Caroline (my director), it's stressful for the rest of the cast. I really, really hate letting people down.
Just when I thought I was starting to let my stress levels get back to a healthy/safe level, I start getting all manky again.
Part of it is the Soph email to Nat. Soph did the coffee group quiz, and was offended at her answers. Which was probably fair enough, since they weren't all that flattering. We jacked into the stereotype of Soph we were carrying around in our heads and exaggerated it.
I could say we were being mean and nasty and horrible, but that wasn't our aim. If we were really trying, it would have been nastier.
Soph basically accused Nat of being jealous of her, because she was portrayed as someone who is obsessed about her appearance and being worshipped. She said that she could tell a girl had written the test, as if we were back in high school and Nat was mounting a smear campaign so Soph would break up with her boyfriend or something. The sad truth about this is that stereotype is all we see of Soph these days. She has been repetitively two-faced with me (saying one thing to my face and then admitting to someone else [generally Daniel] behind my back). She invited Nat and Liam (as well as her other friends) to her house warming party, but not me. I went anyway, but that was because Liam and Nat said they wouldn't go without me. I love you guys! *hugs*
Soph told Nat that the reason she stopped coming to coffee group was not because she disliked us, but because she disliked the venue (U-Bar) as it's noisy, filled with cigarette smoke, etcetera. This is a fair enough complaint. The problem is that she never told us. If she, at any point at all had emailed/texted/ICQed ANYONE in coffee group who actually makes decisions (namely Liam, Nat or myself, but even Saxon, Tych or Sarah would have been fine) and let us know this, we could have done something about it. We could have arranged for some non-Tuesday outings that included Soph. But she never has. While I wouldn't say she was lying, I don't think that the venue was the sole reason why she stopped coming. Perhaps she doesn't loathe us with a fiery passion, but I'd say that she's certainly apathetic when it comes to her feelings towards the rest of coffee group.
Even when she came to coffee group, she gave the impression that she didn't really want to be there. She didn't take part in the conversation, and never stayed for very long. Perhaps Liam and I dominate the conversation, but Nat, Sarah, and Tych still manage to get a word in edgeways. Coffee group has been a fluid group open to accepting new people: Suzie and Bruce are new additions this year, and Ray was welcomed back with open arms.
Soph gives the impression that she dearly wants attention and worship. This may be an exaggeration, but that's the impression we get. Within coffee group (henceforth referred to as CG), you get attention by being witty, extraverted and outrageous enough to earn it. You get your attention by participating in the conversation. It's not a contest of any sort, especially a popularity contest.
CG also isn't only one way. You can't expect CG to spend all its time calling you up and arranging for things to happen around you without you giving something in return. I don't recall Soph ever callng up the rest of CG saying that she wanted to go out with us, or wanted us to come and see a show she was putting on, or whatever. If anything's organised with her in it, it's generally one of the "inner circle" of CG arranging it. The thing about groups is that it works both ways. We're far more amenable to spending time with you, or working around you if you show you're prepared to do the same. It's a two way relationship.
The last incident I remember before Soph and I seemed to undertake a vast Cold War was a walk that she'd organised, I think just before uni started again (possibly just after O Week, I'm not sure). We were walking from the end of the Alamein line into the city, which was a fun walk. We got lost a couple of times, but as far as I'm concerned, that adds to the fun. I managed to wreck my ankle, and was in great pain having to walk on it. Soph yelled at me for bitching. Tych and I left the party at Kooyong station. Dunni and Soph continued into the city.
You may think that I'm holding a grudge, but the only reason I really remember this particular incident is because I wrote it down in my diary at the time. It's just an example of the sort of behaviour I have interpreted from Soph as self-absorbed. My perception was that the walk was for fun, not a competition, and resting a short while because I had injured myself would have been feasible. Yes, I have a tendency to be slower that Soph and Dunni when it comes to walking. Yes, I had been mildly injured several times over the last few bushwalks Soph had organised. And you know, I regret that. But it's not my fault that I'm not as fast as them, the fact that I have shorter legs. It's not my fault that my knees and ankles are weak. I would have thought that being my friend, she would have been patient about that fact, but it seems clear in retrospect that she would have preferred if I hadn't come.
On my part, I just got sick of Soph's responses to situations like this. I don't recall criticising her, but I do recall that several times over that latter part of our friendship, she woud criticise me for complaining too much, or whatever. The Cold War developed on my half because I didn't want to put up with her shit any more. It also didn't help that I was working with Daniel at the time, who was participating in a war with Soph all his own. He and I had an extremely traumatic (on my half) falling out over some comments made to him that were purportedly not true, about the nature of our relationship while we were going out when I was in year 12. After we were talking again, he said that these comments had come from Soph.
I don't want to accuse, and I don't want to ostracise Soph from the group. These notes have been my opinion, and my perception of recent events. If Soph wanted to become an active member of CG again, I'm sure we'd welcome her with open arms. Perhaps if she let us see "the real Soph", we wouldn't have written such a superficial writeup of her in the CG quiz. Whatever happens, the ball is in her court now.
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