Welcome to Tirade Victoria, Can I Help You?

Douglas Adams died last Saturday. Could we have a minute's (or at least a moment's) silence please?


Thank you.

Despite being a cricket (krikkit?) fan, his death affected me more than the death of Sir Donald Bradman. I never really believed the latter was alive. (During my lifetime, that is.)

As an update on the Daniel funk, I worked with him last Saturday, and nothing happened. No mention of our conflict Wednesday night at all.

I try to talk to you
can't get past the weather - Unsent Letter -- Machine Gun Fellatio

I was careful to keep our conversation -- or rather my queries of him -- completely shallow and superficial. I'm glad we're not fighting per se, but I can't shake the unerring feeling that I'm losing another of my friends. I'm reading through old entries of his on OpenDiary (he's one of the reasons why I'm not writing there much anymore)

yeah I try to talk to you, somehow you seem gone forever,
I try to talk to you, somehow you seem gone... - Unsent Letter -- Machine Gun Fellatio

and I came across the lyrics to Machine Gun Fellatio's Unsent Letter. It's one of the songs I have on my hard drive because of him. The sad thing is these lyrics (inserted above) really reflect how our relationship is going at the moment. I've been listening to a lot of music practically put on my hard drive by Daniel, because it reflects largely the place I'm in at the moment. And it doesn't remind me of him, and I don't get depressed. But I'm currently listening to this CD I bought yesterday from a band playing in North Court (the album's called They Who Built and the band's called The Grand Silent System.), and it's getting me down. I'm pretty sure that Daniel would have loved them (although I find it damn near impossible to second guess that boy), and I would have loved to talk to him about it. But I can't, partly to do with my self-imposed isolation, but mostly due to the fact that I don't think he likes me much anymore.

I'm still reading Daniel's OD as I write this, which is why I'm getting progressively more depressed. I just came across this: "But I realised how much I hate having to carry other people, and how much I resent their inability." in regards to our work. It's such a Daniel trait, but I possess it too. I hate people being unable to do their job properly. In a call centre like ours, it's vital everyone pull their wait.

(no subject)

Yes, I suck, my language skills are going out the window. That last line of my previous entry should read "In a call centre like ours, it's vital everyone pull their weight." But I'm going to leave my screw up there because. You're not going to get any further explanation.

Kat is sulking.

Reading all these back entries of Daniel's reflect and magnify the fact that he hasn't told me anything about what's going on in his life recently, and that it's getting worse. And I'm only up to February.

You're going to sit there, listen to me bitch, and like it.

Well, more about Daniel's OD.

• Also, saw Snatch with IIGO, Dunni et al. You saw it with IIGO, Dunni and ME you bastard. I'm only an et al, now, am I?


• My apologies to anyone who reads my diary with any kind of regularity: I must switch to a weekly writing schedule, for my timetable leaves little free time at the moment, and I'd rather retain OD as an occasional guilty pleasure rather than abandon it as a constant unwelcome obligation. *Groans* EXACTLY how I feel about OD at the moment!! Dammit! Can you see this little Love-hate relationship is only just beginning to be established?

---

I'm just reading an entry by Dannl (the shorthand by which Laim and I used to refer to him) about tutoring. He's saying he's a gay-by-choice bisexual (old history). The interesting thing is his discussion of self-censorship when it came to his sexuality. With the recent glut of sexuality based debates (I've done two that I can think of in this debating season, something pretty rare), I'm sure I give myself away all the time by accident. I say "We feel...I mean, the gay and lesbian community feel..." if I catch myself, but I'm sure there were slips that snuck past.

Still, I think that after Easters and publicly snogging a girl from my uni (coincidentally also a team mate) on the dance floor on the first night, I think that's going to be a bit of a non-issue. *grins*

---

*Hits herself over the head*

Just got to entry for 26th March of Daniel's diary. He quit our debating society. And two months later I'm nagging him to help us out in our (UNAFFILIATED) comedy debate! I still think he was overreacting, but I understand a bit better now.

---

*Sigh* I'm not sure I mentioned the fact that me and an old friend (Issy) are planning on moving out together, because we both need to get out of our current domiciles. The last place we looked at would have been ideal. Even enough space for a third person to move in. Who'd I think of? DANIEL, of course! His current landlords are selling up, and effectively evicting him. If we got the place, we'd have a place where he could crash at least for the short term. I sent him an exploratory ICQ message asking him how his house hunting was going. Then my self-preservation instincts & intelligence came back from lunch and I realised what an INSANELY STUPID idea it was. I could live with Daniel, but he'd get all paranoid that I was trying to encroach on his personal space & attatch myself to him like some sort of limpet, and our relationship would sink to all-time lows. So I gave up caring and wisely decided not to breach the subject. I was insanely glad I hadn't in the past.

(note, this event takes place before the huuge argument last wednesday)

I never knew it could be like that.

My throat just had that little catch in it that's supposed to happen when you get emotional. I never knew that wasn't just a cliche...!

Yes, I'm trying to catch up on OD tonight. I've read all of dannl's diary (except most recent entry cos that required concentration), and I just read a couple of random exerpts from my sister's. To set the scene, she's been talking about how she's not sure she wants to continue dancing. Now get this:

Who knows? My sister loved dancing. She didn't have the right body or something... Though all my life I wished that she could've had my better-shaped-for-dancing body because she likes dancing so much more than me.

I love my sister!

In other news, I just followed through to emode.com's rockstar test from roshi's diary. I got Bjork, same as her. Don't I feel all warm & gushy inside?